May 8th. Day 11 - Therapy Session 3

This session is very exhausting, a f…… mental strain. Mrs. B. explains that’s because we’ve already got to the core of the matter. But people here told me that it doesn’t get right down to it before the 7th or 8th week. She says that it’s different with me. Most people need some time to settle, to adjust, to build trust, to open up, to set their therapy goals. And that takes about 4 or 5 weeks already. I’m already past that.

Mrs. B. says I’m on the fast track, she literally compares me to a racing horse. I have to slow down, she says, I’m moving way too fast. She asks if I’ve ever observed small children jogging? Up to the age of 12 or 13 children don’t have the ability to jog, they can only RUN or WALK. Nothing in between. Hmm.

I instantly get my hopes up, thinking I might be out of the hospital faster than I imagined. At the same time, I know that this is no performance show. I don’t have to satisfy anybody but me. Okay. Decelerate.

Sometimes I burst out laughing when I realize the whole absurd extent of my moral entanglements. Crazy. Mrs. B. laughs with me most of the time. I would really feel embarrassed and awkward if she didn’t laugh with me. I’m starting to like her.