Presidental Election, corner pocket.
Schlesische Str.
Last weekend on Falckensteinstr.
May 8th. Day 11 - Therapy Session 3
The session is very exhausting, a mental strain. Mrs. B. explains that’s because we’ve already got to the core of the matter. But people here told me that it doesn’t get right down to it before the 7th or 8th week. She says that it’s different with me. Most people need some time to settle, to adjust, to build trust, to open up, to set their therapy goals. And that takes about 4 or 5 weeks already. I’ve already done that.
Mrs. B. says I’m on the fast track, she literally compares me to a racing horse. I have to slow down, she says and that I don’t know how to do things slowly. She asks if I’ve ever observed small children jogging? Up to the age of 12 or 13 children don’t have the ability to jog, they can only RUN or WALK. Nothing in between. Hmm.
I instantly got my hopes up, thinking I might be out of the hospital faster than I imagined. At the same time, I know that this is no performance show. I don’t have to satisfy anybody but me. Okay. Decelerate.
Sometimes I burst out laughing when I realize the whole absurd extent of my moral entanglements. Crazy. Mrs. B. laughs with me most of the time. I would really feel embarrassed and awkward if she didn’t laugh with me. I really start to like her.
Charlotte Roche’s show Wahrheit oder Pflicht (Truth or Dare) where she invites 4 German TV celebrities to play truth or dare in her apartment. It never aired on TV, because broadcast stations thought it to be too offensive. It’s hilarious, it’s dirty, it’s all about sex and drugs and they end up all drunk. I’ve never seen Roger Willemsen, who is a German intellectual, talk openly about his sexual encounters. The dare parts with Charlotte Roche are extremely funny. I don’t want to give anything away, so please watch all four parts, it really gets good in the end. The videos have English subtitles. Not safe for work.
I saw this on dooce. It’s a series of pictures of people before and after they die. Incredibly moving. Make sure you read the captions.
Monday. May 5th. Day 8 - Therapy Session 2
I haven’t slept, because my legs were hurting. I have this from time to time, it usually starts when I’m completely relaxed, sitting in the park or lying in bed. My arms or legs start to hurt, the pain increases over the hours and at one point I’m unable to move my extremities. Painkillers don’t help. Doctors say the pain is psychosomatic and there isn’t much they can do about it. Mrs. B. explains that the pain is an expression of unexplored and suppressed emotions. Fine. I have to listen to my body signal more closely.
Mrs. B. gives me a paper to be filled with therapy goals. I have to write down at least five goals, which should be realistic to reach in this time here and I have to provide for each of these goals three examples, which could imply that I’ve reached the goal.
Mrs. B hands me out the paper and says that I can take my time, I don’t have to hand it in for the next session, some patients come up with their goals in 3 or 4 weeks time. Okay.
I take the paper up to my room and I immediately start to write. It’s like an impulse, the thoughts come easily. While writing, I realize that every goal is inextricably intertwined with all the other ones and that it’s actually very difficult to put them into five strictly defined categories. I try to be as analytical as possible and I’m done after half an hour. I think that I – as always – set my standards too high. I don’t know if these goals are reachable. As I go down to the nurse’s counter, Mrs. B. is sitting there and I slide the paper across the counter. She’s puzzled and we both instantly start to laugh.
Scrubs - Every Girls Name to J.D. from Dr. Cox
The Wires’s Senator Clay Davis’ Sheeeeit Montage
Robin Williams, from the Crying Men series by Sam Taylor-Wood. More pics of crying Hollywood actors here.
“The photographer asked the actors to produce real tears for a series of images which she hopes capture the vulnerable sides of the movie stars. She is particularly proud of pictures of the Cold Mountain hunk weeping in a fetal position and a portrait of Reservoir Dogs star Michael Madsen betraying his hard-man image by crying hysterically.
Taylor-Wood explains, “Some of the men cried before I even finished loading the camera, but others found it really difficult. People can decide for themselves which they think are the authentic tears and which they think are fake. It’s about the idea of taking these big, masculine men and showing a different side.”(via gauntlet)
Welcome to my tumblelog - a place for my private musings.
I'm a confused and curious nomad, currently residing in Berlin and
working in documentary film production.
For the next 10 weeks, I won't be able to engage, discuss and reblog in the tumblr community, as I'm taking a break from everything. Instead I'll post thoughts and impressions from psychosomatic therapy.
There is no commenting here, but you can write me at yooniverse.tumblr (at) gmail (dot) com.
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